Is your fear bigger than your why?
===
[00:00:00] Welcome to Enough with the Small Talk. I'm your host, Katie Lane. I'm your pain recovery coach and life coach here to help you navigate this little thing we call living. Are you done with the surface level life over surface level conversations? You're craving that deep emotional support where you can bear your soul to someone who cares.
[00:00:28] That's me. I'm that person. Person, I'm that best friend that everyone thinks is their therapist, you know, except I'm not a therapist, but that's okay. I'm here to emotionally support you, help you acknowledge and recognize the things that you've actually gone through, and to show you that what you feel is valid and that the key to moving forward and healing.
[00:00:48] Is understanding exactly who you are. So I can't wait to dive in.[00:01:00]
[00:01:00] Good morning. It's morning. Here it is. Eight. No, it's 10 40. I don't know when you're listening to this, but welcome back to enough with the small talk here with me, Katie Lane. I'm so glad that you're listening in. Wow, I have so many different topic ideas. and I'm so, I am. So, um, I get these bursts of like massive inspiration and passion and wisdom, and then if I don't take advantage of the moment and record right away, I lose it.
[00:01:37] Ah, you know, how many freaking awesome episodes have probably slipped through the cracks just because I, I wasn't able to record in that moment. So my episodes are rarely ever planned. Um, And this was a topic that I said I was gonna record on my Instagram stories a couple weeks ago, and it was when I went on that [00:02:00] forest play date with my sister-in-law, Hazel May, Maddie Mac, and Baby Bennett, my nieces and nephew.
[00:02:10] And this has to do with fear. This has to do with Mm self. Motivation when, Let's be honest, let's just talk. Let me drop a hard truth, okay? Cause I know you're all late. Even though maybe we should feel that we ourselves are reason enough to do the thing, whatever the thing is, sometimes. It's not enough. Do you notice that you find yourself in this?
[00:02:54] Like, why can't I just do it? Why can't I? Why can't I? Why can't I? Why can't I? And [00:03:00] I had this, like this was just really emotional when I reflected back on it. And so I've been going through my physical healing journey right, with my back injury and herniated disc. And I've made so much progress. Right. And one of the biggest challenges for me, all of my clients that have dealt with physical injury or chronic pain or illness, um, is Kinesiophobia .
[00:03:26] I think I'm saying that right. It's basically fear of movement, fear of doing something that's gonna set you back essentially, right? When you experience that level of pain. You want to avoid any possible triggers, right? We get into this really protective, guarded state of mind and physical state of just really wanting to eliminate the risk, and that's something that I've been really breaking through and working through over the last year, and I can tell you that it is one of [00:04:00] the most significant, um, reasons why I've made so much progress recently in the last.
[00:04:08] But I still struggle with it. And one of the things is running, so I'm able to jog when I feel well, like for 30 seconds. You know, I still haven't really full out sprinted. I still get a little nervous right before I'm about to pick up my feet and pick up the pace, and I. Still go back and forth like I desire, like really wanting to try to start jogging again and running.
[00:04:34] But I really battle with like, okay, well is it worth the potential risk? Right. Even more than that, it's just, I still have a lot of fear around it and.
[00:04:48] So Hazel, May and I were, it was such an awesome day. We're out in the middle of the woods. There's all these awesome trails like falls and full blooms. So all the leaves [00:05:00] are fallen, falling. The forest is like yellow and orange, and the leaves are all on the ground. There was a water. We were sitting right on the water, and then you come out of the woods and there's this massive playground and it was windy and Hazel's four.
[00:05:17] and she's literally like my soul mini. I feel so connected to her in so many ways. And, um, it was windy. And so we started trying to catch the leaves as they're falling out of the sky, right? Like wholesome. True fun. We're running around catching the leaves. I'm like thinking in my head, I'm like, Wow, I'm really proud of myself.
[00:05:52] Like I'm really moving really well. I'm like kind of moving really fast and [00:06:00] dancing. We made off like a wind song. We were trying to get the wind to come and blow the leave so that we could, you know, chase it as they're like falling down and they swoosh around. As soon as they go left, then they go right and you, you, And it's really hard to catch the leaves.
[00:06:16] I highly suggest if you have children, young children or nieces and nephews on a windy day, go leaf hunting, go catch some freaking leaves. It was so fun. But so we're getting ready to go pack up and head back to the car. And she's holding my hand and we're in the parking lot and it's a gravel driveway.
[00:06:40] And she says to me, Auntie, let's run. Let's beat mama and Maddie. She wanted to race mama and her sister, her little sister, who's two? Maddie Mac, Auntie. Let's run. Let's go. Oh, And it's instant in my head, right? I'm like nervous, [00:07:00] instant fear, just instantly . And I've said no to, to Hazel and, and Maddie. Bennett was just born in August, so he's getting the strongest version of me, which is incredible.
[00:07:16] But I've said no to Hazel and Maddie so many times because of my pain, because of my injury, because of how restricted I was and because of fear. , right? Auntie. Let's do this. Auntie. Auntie. Auntie. And no. Oh, Auntie can't. Her back is so, Oh, Auntie has to rest her back. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Right. And now I know that I'm like really at a pivotal point where I am rarely saying no now.
[00:07:51] Okay. And I know that when I am saying no. It's likely still out of fear [00:08:00] rather than lack of capability, meaning the likelihood that I can do what they're asking is pretty damn high now. And if I'm finding myself saying no, it's usually out of fear. So she's holding my hand, Auntie, let's go. Let's go. Let's run, run, run, run, run.
[00:08:18] In my initial. Reaction was to say, Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You know, say something as to why I couldn't. And I said, Okay. So we start running and I'm like, Okay, I'm feeling okay and I'm holding her hand. And she's, she's so excited. You guys, she's so excited to be running. Okay, auntie, Faster, Faster. Go, go pee mama.
[00:08:44] Go, go, go, go, go. And I am. Shaking in my boots with fear. Okay. Like, ugh, because I really hadn't ran faster than what we were running at right then and there. Since I hurt my back years ago, [00:09:00] and I, and she's going, Auntie, auntie, auntie, run, run, run, run, run. Faster, faster, faster. So what do I do? I say screw it and I start running faster.
[00:09:12] And you guys, it didn't hurt me at all. I couldn't believe it. I was like sprinting. Mind you, this four year old Hazel May is now able to, like, she's faster than me. Okay. But. I was running, I was like sprinting, holding her hand, running down this gravel, gravel driveway. And she's so excited and I'm smiling and I'm laughing and she's laughing.
[00:09:35] And actually mama snuck up behind us at the last second and actually beat us because we thought we had her. So we stopped right before we got to the car and here comes Mama, Maddie and Little baby Bennett. And they actually beat us, but. What I realized you guys, Oh, because as I'm [00:10:00] driving home, I'm thinking to myself, Holy shit.
[00:10:04] Like Katie, you just sprinted. Okay. And I'm like, Why? Why was this so easy this? Yet, all the times I'm out for my walks. All the times I have the inclination or the desire. I always get these spur in me to run. I always just wanna run, and then my mind and my brain immediately say, No. Nope, nope. Alert, Alert.
[00:10:38] Danger, Danger, Right? I'm like, Why was this so easy for me this time?
[00:10:47] The answer is so fricking simple, you guys. It's because I had Hazel May holding my freaking hand with this grinning smile on her face saying, Auntie, Run, run, [00:11:00] run. And my reason why in that moment was bigger than my fear. You see? Oh. My reason why was bigger than my fear in that moment.
[00:11:28] This is everything. This is everything. Our reason why has to be bigger than our fear.
[00:11:50] So why are you doing this? You know, why are you working so hard [00:12:00] to heal? Why are you working so hard to overcome? These obstacles that you're facing right now, why are you working so hard? Why do you want this? What does this mean? It's not about just feeling better because if feeling better was a reason enough why we still wouldn't have so much fear holding us back.
[00:12:33] And I think for a lot of us, we create a new normal that as much as it's uncomfortable, as much as we don't quote unquote like it as much as we desire more. We are comfortable enough whether we care to admit it or not. This can be with your physical healing. This can also really be with your [00:13:00] emotional wellbeing, your emotional state, how you're doing in life, right?
[00:13:05] Like you as a, as a human, you want more for yourself, you desire bigger, better, deeper, more wholesomeness healing. Ugh.
[00:13:18] But as much as you may want that, as much as you may desire that, as much as it may consume your thoughts that you want, you want, you want, the truth is a lot of us are comfortable enough where we are, and I can be fully honest with each and every one of you listening right now That has happened with. On my physical healing journey.
[00:13:47] I said this to Dr. Nick, Functional Movement Therapy. I worked with him, uh, as a client for a, a long time and he helped me so much get I, I mean, get to like [00:14:00] being able to do this, you know, like Sprint with her, with Hazel. But I said to him, I'm like, I know. I kept myself on my progress. because I got to a point where I felt good enough and there's, you know, this is understandable.
[00:14:23] When you are in so much pain for so long, whether it's physical or emotional, and you make enough progress to where you feel better, it makes sense that like that might be enough, right? For me, the progress I had made was enough right now. Like I just wanted to soak it up, right? I wanted to soak up this progress that I had made, but I also knew that I didn't go as far as I could go.
[00:14:57] Like I di I kind of pulled [00:15:00] back on the throttle. With my efforts to, to heal even more because I just wanted to like soak up where I was. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But when we coast like that, what that allowed, it allowed my fears that I had that almost allowed them more space to get bigger again, is this is what I realized, right?
[00:15:27] So like my fear. Of movement, of doing certain things. Like part of what got me so much progress was really working with Nick and working through the movements that I was afraid of. Right. And
[00:15:52] so it's a double edged sword when I stopped. Going full throttle with like my exercises and all my [00:16:00] effort and my walking and da, da, da, da, da. It was like freedom to not have to do those things just to function right? Like I, Which is incredible. I mean, that's such. An accomplishment to get to the point physically where I was not, I'm not, I am not reliant on my exercises anymore.
[00:16:19] I am not reliant on my walking. Just to be able to get up and go and function and feel okay. And that's like, that could make me cry, you know? Like that's incredible. And I know so many of you listening are at this point too, where like you've come so far. And we absolutely need to recognize and celebrate that.
[00:16:40] But I also know there's so much further that you want to go, but you're struggling to get there. Right? I know this. I know this. And for me, one of this was really eyeopening was like [00:17:00] my why. I don't have a why right now that's bigger than my fear. That's bigger than my complacency, right? Like for a long time, our why is the pain, the pain is so freaking bad that it is big enough to motivate you.
[00:17:18] To get up and do your walk and do your PT and eat nourishing foods, and be on a regimen, be on a routine, and do the things that you need to do and focus on your mental health. And like once you realize the necessities of making you feel better, it becomes so much easier to follow through. You become so much more motivated when it's direly.
[00:17:39] Is that a word? Direly necessary for your ability to function and feel okay. And then when you get to a point, Where you don't need those things anymore. We've talked about this with myself and the ladies in the inner circle with, So the ladies in the inner circle, um, are both women [00:18:00] who are on a physical and emotional healing journey, and they have struggled with chronic illness, chronic pain, a lot of, you know, Unexplained things going on in the body.
[00:18:19] So a really emotional, heavy, complex journey to healing and growth and feeling better, right? Like extremely heavy is just, is the word that comes to my mind. So many unanswered question. Yet really doing the work to, to help themselves and find answers and sink into the things. And the things that I know for those women that have made them feel better is movement.
[00:18:53] Yoga Kaisha, I think of her yoga, focusing on nourishing foods. [00:19:00] Cutting out, you know, this stuff that just doesn't make them feel good. Surrounding themselves with people who lift them up and support them. Look, taking a hard look at their jobs and what they were doing for a living. Looking at a looking, taking a hard look at the relationships with their families, with their significant others.
[00:19:21] all these big things in our life, like really looking at the big things that contribute to our overall health and wellbeing, and noticing where there's really, really, you can see the things that are really sucking the energy and the life out of you. Right. and when you're in such a dire place, it's desperation.
[00:19:45] When you are ill, when you are injured, when you are in pain, motivation is usually from my personal experience anyway, when I was completely debilitated.[00:20:00]
[00:20:02] It's not even motivation, it becomes necess. Just like we wake up, whatever your morning routine is, some of you might not just take a shower and brush your teeth right then, like, you know, whatever your mourning, what you do in the morning or whatever you do throughout the day, you go to the bathroom, right?
[00:20:17] Like it's a bodily function. It becomes a necessity. That's what these things become to make ourselves feel better when we're in such pain. They become our necessities. When they're no longer necessity. We are no longer as motivated to do. Because the need is not so great. So my point is, is if you're really struggling to do what it is that you, you might have a deep desire, but you're struggling to take the action or you're not feeling, I'll use the word motivated.
[00:20:47] You're not, you feeling stuck. I guarantee you your why right now is not bigger than your.[00:21:00]
[00:21:03] Your why is not bigger than your fear,
[00:21:11] right? So what do we need to do? We need to get clear on our fears, , and we need to figure out our true and authentic why.
[00:21:28] that a why so big that when you're afraid to move, you move anyway. Like Hazel may.
[00:21:44] Oie. Run. Run. When I say to myself, Katie, run, I don't move . I'm still afraid. I'm still afraid. But that little girl, are you kidding me? [00:22:00] In that moment, she is bigger than me. Right? And I knew. What proves that this was my fear, that this is my fear holding me back, is I know that if I really couldn't run like.
[00:22:19] I know that if in my gut, my gut was like, No, like you cannot run, you will get hurt. I wouldn't have ran, I would've said his and my auntie can't run right now. I have to rest my back or whatever. Right. Let's walk, let's walk fast. I would find a way if I. If I knew I truly wasn't gonna be okay, but I knew I was gonna, This is the thing.
[00:22:46] It's like I knew in my gut I could do it, which is why I did it,
[00:22:55] and I just needed a bigger reason than me to do [00:23:00] it.
[00:23:04] So whatever it is for you, whatever it is.
[00:23:12] Is your fear right now bigger than your why? I want you to picture a scale, and right now the scales are, your fear is heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, right? And your why is too light. So the why is up the heavys down. The fear is holding it down it's ground, like you're rooted in fear, right? If your, your fear is so heavy, stick of it, it's bringing it down to the ground, and your why is up in the air, right?
[00:23:47] It's almost like you're rooted in fear, so you're acting, Your actions are rooted in fear. Oh, we know we are never gonna get to where we wanna go. We are never gonna be [00:24:00] who we wanna be. We are never gonna accomplish what we were gonna accomplish. If we are rooted, if our decisions in life are rooted in fear, forget about it.
[00:24:10] So we need to flip the scales, right? To where your why is so heavy and so big, and so bold, and so massively important and so heavy in a good freaking way that it flips the scales and you are rooted and grounded in your freaking why you are making decisions that are rooted and grounded in your freaking why.
[00:24:41] That's the most direct, true, wholesome route to getting what you want for yourself, being who you wanna be, accomplishing what you wanna accomplish, achieving what you wanna achieve, a healing in the capacity that you want to heal in being rooted in that. Why. [00:25:00] and many of us, the, the scales are flipped. I mean, I would say it's probably more common.
[00:25:10] That naturally as humans, we are rooted in fear, which is why this type of work and this type of support in surrounding yourself with women, like the women in the inner circle, who this is, what we're freaking focused on, is navigating this and uncovering this stuff and overcoming our fears, naming our fears, gaining clarity around problem awareness.
[00:25:36] You know, where, where are the cracks here? , Where can we fill in? Where is our room to grow? Where is our room to gain clarity and confidence and understand what it is that we need to do to be who we wanna be and to achieve what we wanna achieve, but then have the support in the process. Because it's not freaking easy, just cuz you have clarity and [00:26:00] awareness does not mean that the, the, the path to get there, that the action steps necessary to take are gonna be easy, right?
[00:26:08] This is what we do in our, and my one-on-ones is diving deep into this, into you.
[00:26:17] You know, it's like human nature to be rooted in fear. You don't need to be struggling with severe depression or severe anxiety to reach out for support or to seek support, to seek guidance and help and, and switching those scales, you know what I mean? Community support. These are essentials in life that have been.
[00:26:43] Quite honestly lost and have faded, you know, deep true human connection. And those, this type of support, like community deep one-on-one connection, those are grounding. You wanna [00:27:00] talk about things that ground you. Being in a space where you can speak your freaking truth, it's the best way to get ground.
[00:27:14] Time and space for you to actually speak truthfully how you feel, because oftentimes, Our fears aren't as clear as one might think. Our fears are rooted and run so deep within us. There are usually so many layers to peel through, to actually get to the root of the fear and to flip the scales. To have your why heavier and bigger and more important than your fear, you need to get to the root.
[00:27:57] Of the fear to be able to [00:28:00] overcome it, right? You need, and it's the same process for your why. I wanna feel better, I wanna be able to have kids, da, da, da, right? All these are great reasons, but if you're telling yourself these reasons and you're still not doing the things, they're not. Big enough yet we haven't really, you haven't been able to really trace those whys back to the root.
[00:28:31] And when you uncover that root, my friend, you will freaking know because it hits you right to your core. It hits you right in your soul. That's the kind of shit that helps you move forward with purpose and passion in your life to [00:29:00] do the dang things right. Ugh. I'm gonna leave you with this. This is plenty to pond.
[00:29:13] That moment for me was very eye opening. It's just such reinforcement and proof that our why has to be bigger than our fear, or our fear will win usually every time. So I ask you, is your fear bigger than your why? And if it is, it's time to do some work, my friend. I'm gonna put links in the show notes for a deep dive, one on one support session with me.
[00:29:50] I always recommend that option for anyone seeking support with me. It's a great place to start because then we can [00:30:00] just figure out what you need past. Then I'm gonna drop a link from my newly created Soul Support membership. This I'm so excited about, it's so straightforward, it's so simple. It's just such an easy, streamlined option to have biweekly sessions.
[00:30:21] Uh, soul support, support for you as a human. Deep support for you and your life, for you in your healing journey. Overcoming fear, gaining understanding, and clarity about who you are. Healing this emotional crap, navigating this emotional crap uncovering. The baggage that you're carrying, uncovering and navigating your family, ah, relationships and your physical healing journey, and your emotional healing journey, and your self image, how you see yourself.
[00:30:57] What are your biggest fears and how are they [00:31:00] holding you back and why? And what can we do to move you forward? Sole support an ongoing membership with me that is biweekly. This is inspired by Stacy, one of my clients. Her and I have been doing biweekly calls forever now, and it was inspired by her. It's the perfect type of support to just keep you uplifted and feeling supported and ensuring that you have designated time to focus on you and your life, but that's affordable also.
[00:31:38] So Katie Lane, My Deep My Soul Support membership, I'll put a link down for that too. I'm also gonna share a link for a form. If you're not quite ready to purchase a one-on-one session with me, you're not quite ready to purchase yourself. The sole support me. and you [00:32:00] wanna just connect. If you're someone where we haven't personally connected yet, you'd like to apply for this type of support, ask your questions, tell me what it is that you're seeking support with, and have a conversation around whether or not I think we're a good fit, whether or not you feel that this is a good fit.
[00:32:17] I'm gonna submit, um, I'll share a link down below with a form that you can just basically reach out to. Let me know that you're interested. We can connect and chat about what it is that you're looking for. We can see how I can help you. You guys know where to find me. I hope you love this story. I hope you gained something amazing.
[00:32:37] I would talk to you so soon. As always take care of yourself.