Living Life for the Experiences Rather than in Terms of Successes and Failures
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[00:00:00] Welcome to Enough with the Small talk. I'm your host, Katie Lane. I'm your pain recovery coach and life coach here to help you navigate this little thing we call living. Are you done with the surface level life over surface level conversations? You're craving that deep emotional support where you can bear your soul to someone who cares.
[00:00:28] That's me. I'm that person. Person. I'm that best friend that everyone thinks is their therapist, you know, except I'm not a therapist, but that's okay. I'm here to emotionally support you, help you acknowledge and recognize the things that you've actually gone through, and to show you that what you feel is valid and that the key to moving forward and healing.
[00:00:49] Is understanding exactly who you are. So I can't wait to dive in.[00:01:00]
[00:01:00] Hello and welcome back. It has been, A long time since I posted a new podcast episode, and guys, it's because I've been living my life and I, I know so many of you listening right now will be able to appreciate this. On like a deep level because many of you have been following along or we've worked together or we're friends, or we're currently working together, or you're following me on Instagram and you've seen, I've been very open with my whole healing journey over the last five years, and a big part of that for me has over been overcoming and building emotional resilience.
[00:01:48] Especially in the aspects of life where I did really feel I was held back because of my physical injury. Um, so a big part of my healing process has been [00:02:00] navigating this mentally and emotionally, and. That's what I'm here to help you guys do too. Um, so I have lots to share about like my personal story and what's been going on in my world.
[00:02:15] But what inspired this episode as I was sitting on my porch this morning, drinking my cup of coffee, thinking about my clients that I'm working with currently. And one thing really stood out to me in my head because I relate to it so much, and I know you guys will too. And this is my client, Kelsey. So Kelsey, if you're listening, shout out to you.
[00:02:41] And I'm thinking about the session we had where. So Kelsey's overcoming an injury to her heel and her foot. Um, so running is something that she's still not really capable of, nor does she feel confident in it. And I [00:03:00] can relate to that wholeheartedly in many different ways with physical things, with my back and my injury, and.
[00:03:09] We were talking about how, what she was capable of, like talking about how the only way she's really gonna be able to get to where she wants is by focusing on what exactly she's capable of right now. And you know, it's really hard to, to not be capable of what you once were, but I think it's like so many of us are so accomplished.
[00:03:34] Like accomplish. We have such a mindset that's focused on the accomplishment, how big the task was, how big the success was, how far did I walk, how much did I run? Like I've talked about this a lot. My other client, Michelle, who wrote that incredible just peace where she was talking about like how we're so driven to count steps, like to track everything and what if we stopped [00:04:00] tracking.
[00:04:00] This is a similar concept, but like I. So we were talking about how she's capable of going for a walk with her hubby. And you know, in that conversation I could just tell, and she voiced that like, but it's only a walk, you know? But I really should be able to do more and even feeling guilty of holding her spouse back, like, Like he should be able to go for his run.
[00:04:26] We should be able to do it together. Like I don't wanna hold him back from doing something that he's capable of, even though I'm not right. Like all of these thoughts, just start spiraling. How many of you can relate to feeling like you've held your loved ones back because of your illness, because of your physical limitations, your pain, your injury?
[00:04:43] Whatever it may be, um, your insecurities, right? Even if you're not injured, a lot of times our lack of confidence, our fear, our insecurities not only holds us back, but can, we can start to feel like it's holding back the people around us based on how we are responding [00:05:00] to our own fear, right? And this is what was starting to happen, and I.
[00:05:05] I offered a perspective that has really helped me in these moments. Um, cuz I've, you know, by nature before getting hurt was a very success driven person, a very accomplishment. Um, really liked to be recognized for accomplishments. Like I thrived on that and I have learned through my injury and healing.
[00:05:31] That didn't really serve me well when it comes to like, what's really important in my life. Does that make sense? Um, and this is what I wanna kind of spin to you guys, is looking at these things in our life. As an experience as opposed to an accomplishment, like rather than measuring the accomplishment in everything that you do.
[00:05:58] You know, we're [00:06:00] wired to literally track the mileage if we're going for a walk with our husband, right? Or think about. What, how far were we walking? Or, you know, what did this prove or what did this, um, how was this productive? Right? Like, we're very productivity driven and it's like, Hmm, sister, we like, we gotta take a step back.
[00:06:25] This is what I've learned. It's like, you know, I just have this, this. Deep rooted. Knowing now after going through what I've been through in the last five years just sticks with me all the time. You guys of like our life could end literally at any moment. We know being hurt or getting sick, or having going through an awful experience like you guys know just as well as I do, that your physical capability can be stripped away at any time.
[00:06:58] Your mental [00:07:00] capability can be stripped away at any time. At any given moment, something can happen. That's the reality of it. And we spend so much time focused on the future and focused on the accomplishment we're trying to hit or focused on that bar we're trying to reach. And in doing that we're, we're giving up the present time.
[00:07:20] You know what I mean? Like we're giving up the happiness or the fulfillment or the contentment or the peace or the, the wholesomeness that we could be feeling in the moment and. The other thing about life that we all know is like something's always going on. You know, like there's always, I hate to be like, there's always struggle, but like part of life is there's always something.
[00:07:46] There's always something. And like it's easy to be the type of person who lets that always something get in the way. Like, do you feel like you're always that [00:08:00] person that lets your fear get in the way, you let your thoughts get in your way, or you let your stress get in your way or you let, like even if you weren't injured, or even if you weren't sick, or even if you weren't in whatever you feel like is holding you back now, do you honestly think that if you didn't have those limitations, that you would feel completely fulfilled?
[00:08:18] Or that you would feel successful or that you would feel accomplished, or that you would feel whatever emotion it is that you're seeking, be honest with yourself. And if your limitations were stripped away and you were fully healed and you were able to to hike that mountain to the top, or you were able to run those miles, or you were able to do whatever it is you can't do right now, would you feel good enough then?
[00:08:43] That's an honest question, and I've really had to look in the mirror with this of like, I always used to tell myself like, when I lose the 30 pounds or when I heal or when I do this, when I, when I, when I, like, I was always shooting for this. Certain checkpoint in my life that [00:09:00] I thought, that's when all the pieces are just gonna come together.
[00:09:03] That's when I'm gonna feel, you know, like my most confident, fulfilled, happiest self. I'm gonna be on the right path. And like that's the biggest effing lie I've ever told to myself. Like, that's what I figured out is that is such a lie.
[00:09:21] It is such a lie. What has really helped me see this and overcome this and feel so much more fulfillment in my present moment, even given the limitations that I have, is a looking at my life now as experiences rather than accomplishments.
[00:09:45] Oh, I cannot stress this enough. You know, when you start to live, that's like, that's when you start to really live your life. And you can do this in any condition and in any [00:10:00] state that you're in, you can start looking at your life as experiences rather than accomplishments and failures. You know, I recently started, I.
[00:10:14] For me, a lot of, you know, like in my physical recovery, kids has been such a, like that checkpoint for me, that goal, that end goal for me, that, that hope, that desire, that need, that I feel deep inside of me, that I really, really believed. I would never. Or be able to be a mom physically didn't think I would be, get to the point where I felt confident to get pregnant.
[00:10:41] I didn't feel I would get to the point where physically I could care for a child confidently. Um, and so I beat myself up about this for a very long time, for years, and I, you know, thought that I would just wake up one day and [00:11:00] like. Maybe know that all of a sudden I'm better, you know, like I was waiting to hit that checkpoint.
[00:11:05] I was waiting to hit that accomplishment of like, okay, now I'm ready. And I, and I realized one day I'm like, ah, you know, going back to this ex living your life and as an experience looking at the experiences, I'm like breaking this down just like I do. With everything else in my life that I've had to just like, I help you guys, my clients do this.
[00:11:27] Like we have to break our life down into increments and into experiences to get to where we want to go. And like for me, being a mom or having a baby, it's the same thing. But I, I didn't even think to look at it that way, you know, because like, I don't know, I, I just thought like, It's natural. Either you feel like you can be a mom or like maybe I'm just, I'm not.
[00:11:50] Maybe physically I'm just never gonna get there. But I thought one day that I would just know, and then I was like, screw this. Like I'm gonna work at it. Like I'm determined [00:12:00] to work towards doing it. I need to build experience. In this physically and emotionally to prepare myself so that I can feel confident.
[00:12:12] I just don't expect myself to wake up one day anymore and be like, today's the day I feel like I can get pregnant without having worked towards it or ha built experience. You know? And that's when you guys, I finally like step one for me, and this can be the equivalent of my awesome client, Kelsey, like going for those walks with her husband.
[00:12:34] As the experience like those walks with her husband, not only is it an experience that she can, you know, have with someone that she loves and be present in the moment, but like at the end of the day doing that is what's gonna get her to be able to run. Right. And like for me, I finally felt confident to put myself on care.com.
[00:12:57] You guys know like I have wanted to [00:13:00] nanny babies. I remember laying awake at night when I was, I. You know, messed up with my back when I like couldn't walk and I wanted to, I would [email protected], I would look at postings. I'm like, oh my God, there's a little baby, like 10 miles away from me that I could be watching.
[00:13:19] But I knew at that time, like it just wasn't possible for me. And then finally I gotta the point where I was like, you know, I think I can do this on like a very low scale. On a very low scale. Um, and I, and I really started looking at this as an experience. I was nervous to do it because I was nervous that I would do it and then basically be given, you know, Like, it would be clear to me that, wow, I'm not like, I'm not gonna be capable of doing this physically, like I'm not gonna be able to be a mom.
[00:13:55] But I knew the only way was to like go through the experience [00:14:00] and so I finally put myself on care.com and I got matched with a family that, you know, needed just a few hours a week. Long story short, you know, here I am. Gosh, sh I've been watching Maya since she was six weeks old, no eight weeks old, and she just turned six months.
[00:14:21] Like I can't believe that much time has gone by. And through this experience I have gained so, so much. And like old Katie, I would've been like, I'm not even gonna put myself on care.com because I can only watch a kid for like, you know. My starting point was four hours a day. I thought maybe I could do four hours a day, one day a week, just start small.
[00:14:51] And then, you know, old Katie comes swimming back in my brain of like, that's not even worth it. Like no one's gonna want you for four hours a week. Like if [00:15:00] that's all you can do, Katie, why even bother? Like you definitely can't be a mom, right? Like just shooting myself down and I know you guys relate to this and you either have done the same thing or you are doing it to yourself.
[00:15:14] And it was like I had to keep telling myself, this is about the experience, Katie, like, you want to do this bottom line? This is something you want to do. Regardless of if I'm ever gonna be able to be a mom. Right. Like I was so looking at this endeavor of nannying as like, it's either gonna be a success or a failure as far as motherhood.
[00:15:37] You know, like what my, what I can expect in my future. And I really had to shift my mindset and be like, no, this is all about the experience. Right? And fast forward X amount of months later, yesterday, I literally can't believe this. I cannot believe this. You guys, [00:16:00] when I first started watching this baby girl, her name is Maya, I, it was tough.
[00:16:06] I had an eight hour day and I was really down on myself because I was like, what did I, what am I doing? My back? It was so painful. By the end of the day, I was nervous and I communicated it with the family and like, They were just so amazing and they, you know, they really worked with me. They really care for me.
[00:16:31] Their, their professions are in like the holistic medical world and they're just like, incredible. But my point is, is like I stuck with this experience and I have worked up to, I had that baby girl nine hours yesterday. Nine hours. I took her. Lifted her car seat with her in it, which is probably 40 pounds.
[00:16:58] That thing is [00:17:00] not light with the stroller, which is the most awkward contraption to have to fold and unfold and load into the trunk and da, da, da, da. Got there at nine 30, went and met Hazel and met my nieces and my sister-in-law, and my brother and my nephew, the little Bennett boy at the park. I had that baby girl, and we did all these things for nine hours yesterday, where a couple months ago I thought I, I wasn't even gonna be able to just watch her at home for a full day.
[00:17:36] I, my point is, is like I had to build up to that point, and it was the experience that I was gaining. Mentally, emotionally, this is resilience and physically sticking to it in the amounts that I was capable of and communicating that to the family over time, over a [00:18:00] very short amount of time. My tolerance and my resilience has built so much to where I was like in shock yesterday and I was on the phone with my mom.
[00:18:10] You guys. Last night and I, I like got emotional cuz we were talking about it and I was like, mom, I just like, I have these moments now that are so filled with possibility.
[00:18:29] Ugh. And that alone is worth so much to me.
[00:18:44] And it's because I stuck with the things, the small things over time, and I started looking at my life in experiences rather than success and failures. If I had looked at the past [00:19:00] five years of this physical healing journey in terms of success or failures, like I would've quit so long ago. I would've given up because if I was looking at it as far as success or failures, I failed so many times, but I don't see it like that anymore.
[00:19:22] You know, it's, I'm living my life in the way, the best way that I can in my situation. And to me, that's what life is now about, is it's like figuring out what's actually important to you now. Not what you think should be, not what you always thought was, but what's actually important to you now, regardless of how small it seems, regardless of how like maybe unconventional it may seem now, like I can't believe that I'm sitting here talking to you guys and the words are coming outta my mouth, that I have moments that are filled with such possibility like[00:20:00]
[00:20:01] that. I have more belief now. That I will be able to be a mom and have a baby then not like since I got hurt, my belief has always been the opposite. Like it's always been, there's a better chance it's not gonna happen than it is and like my belief has built up over time. Just like my capability, just like my progress, just like everything else.
[00:20:28] My tolerance, my threshold, my resiliency, everything like my belief, my self confidence has built along with those things. From doing the small things that I'm capable of continuously and looking at my life in terms of an experience and experiences rather than excess accomplishments and failures.
[00:20:51] Like I stopped stripping myself of the joy that I could feel now, and I [00:21:00] see a lot of my clients. You guys, I, you guys are listening and I love, I love you for that. I love that you listen to this podcast. Because I know I can come on here and like directly speak to you when I have a lot to say that doesn't fit in our client sessions.
[00:21:18] You know? Um, I forget what I was saying.
[00:21:27] Oh, I just, I see that and you guys where, and it's. And it's normal. It's natural, it's human, human nature, but you have the power to shift it. And we are. That's what we're doing together here right now. That's what we're doing when we work together. That's what you're doing in your own time, is you're shifting these perspectives.
[00:21:45] And I've seen it, Kelsey. I've seen it in you, Michelle. I've seen it in, I've seen it in all of you guys. Eli, like the people that I'm working with now, Brooke, I worked with her. Jess Haley, like you guys, Kathleen, you guys have shifted Stacey so much.[00:22:00]
[00:22:03] And that's so huge. But I've also seen you guys just like I did to myself, stripping yourself away from what's possible for you now because you're letting this accomplishment mindset just totally tear you down, totally tear you down. And I know it can be easy to be like, well, if we don't have accomplishment, accomplishments to work towards, like, what am I working towards?
[00:22:28] That's how my brain has always worked too, right? Like I have these moments, you guys, so like Katie Lane, as far as what, what does she do to make an income now? What does my work like? It's what I'm doing here, like the life coaching, the emotional support, and the nannying. And sometimes I have these moments where I'm like, Katie, you're 30 years old and like you're nannying.
[00:22:54] Like this is what you're doing. You're babysitting and you have, you know, this, this life [00:23:00] coaching business, which is amazing. But I still have these moments where I'm like,
[00:23:08] Should I be at a job where I have the 401k and I'm working 60 hours a week and I'm putting in the time and I, you know, and, and then I have like, in the same thought that I have these thoughts of like, what are you doing? Like, who do you think you are? You're 30 years old and this is all you have to show for it.
[00:23:27] In that same moment, I met with my other inner voice that's like, Katie, you literally couldn't think of anything I. Better that you'd want to be doing like you guys I am doing. Even if I was fully healed, I wouldn't wanna do anything else. How amazing is that? And it's because I've listened to my gut this entire time.
[00:23:57] I've started looking at my life as [00:24:00] experiences instead of accomplishments and failures. I've done the small things that I'm capable of over time, and I've listened to what it is that I feel is best for me, what it is that I feel I want and I need, and I've been doing it. I've been doing it consistently now, and I, it has led me to.
[00:24:20] Exactly. There's no doubt in my mind that I'm doing exactly what I'm meant to do, and this right here is preparing me for whatever the next phase in my life is. That's the thing that I also have this such this, this knowing that if I'm fully present in my here and now, I'm gaining the most experience, the most knowledge, the most wisdom.
[00:24:42] I'm gaining everything I need to be. Good in whatever the next phase of my life is, if that's being a mom, whatever that looks like, right? If I show up wholeheartedly [00:25:00] in this life right now because I don't know what comes next, I know though with certainty that if that, because I'm living my life in these experiences.
[00:25:15] I will be very well prepared for whatever comes next. And I believe that wholeheartedly for you guys. So stop trying to skip over where you're at now. It's you the opposite. You want to sink into exactly where you are now. Figure out how can you live your life in a way that's meaningful to you right now?
[00:25:37] How can you be taking full advantage of these experiences and these things that you're doing and that you can do? And figuring out what's important to you right now, it might be different than what used to be important to you, and it might be different than the people around you and what they value, and people might not understand it.
[00:25:56] You know, I feel waves of judgment from [00:26:00] people in my life, whether it's me being insecure and interpreting that way, which I know is very possible. Or it may be, you know, a bit of both that they, they are judging me for, you know, And maybe not having the most, um, is conventional the right word, job and whatever.
[00:26:22] Um, but like I just, I know now to trust myself. And that's, that's the same thing with you guys, is building this relationship with yourself. And this is what I hope you do, and this is, it is just the most incredible, incredible work that I could possibly do. It's like, ugh. And.
[00:26:49] For some reason, Kelsey and Michelle, you ladies are sticking out to me big time in my head right now. Like Kelsey, I'm picturing you smiling and kind of taking your deep breath and sighing [00:27:00] and, and smiling of like, wow, just you having these moments of realization hit you that like you're actually doing so much better than you gave yourself credit for, you know?
[00:27:13] And that like more is possible for you right now than you realized. And same thing with you, Michelle, like I just, you, my brother's calling me. I just picture just how much you shifted just in the last few months. It's just like the most incredible.
[00:27:40] Oh man. Like to me it's like, how can it be? How could I be doing something more meaningful right now, working with you guys in your life and getting you to a point where you're feeling better about your life and yourself and building this trust and confidence in relationship with yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally.
[00:27:56] And then like helping little kids [00:28:00] grow like I am now in this nannying like able to be a part of like, Kids at their most fundamental, like developmental ages as babies and as toddlers and able to like, love them and nurture them and teach them. And in that, like in what I'm doing, it's given me the flexibility to be with my family when they need me.
[00:28:22] My grandparents, my brother, my, my nieces and nephews. Like, good lord,
[00:28:30] like I'm just overwhelmed with gratitude.
[00:28:39] And in this moment, it's crazy to me that I ever question my life, you know, that I ever question the amount of success or the amount of worth. And it's the same thing with you guys. Like if [00:29:00] you can say that you're living honestly and doing what you know, I.
[00:29:08] You like are meant to, or you're doing good, you're living an honest life and you're, you're listening to yourself and what you're doing in your life is, is meaningful, man. Like that. What more is there? You know, like it's just my whole concept of life and time and fulfillment and. Satisfaction and happiness and like, it's so much simpler than I ever thought it would be, you know?
[00:29:48] And I just wish for you guys, and I hope for you guys that you can get to a point where like in the silence of everything, [00:30:00] when you're sitting just with yourself, It's like you can have these moments where you look at your life and you feel proud, and you feel good, and you feel happy, and you feel fulfillment, and you feel a sense of wholeness despite like the judgment my brother keeps calling me despite whatever else is going on, you know?
[00:30:27] Um, And it's possible. Like that's the thing, God, I'm emotional. Woo. It's possible. Um, it really, really is. And it takes just a deep level of self-honesty and curiosity about yourself and, and. Really getting good at listening [00:31:00] to what's going on in like your inner world, your inner mind, your inner, like your heartstrings.
[00:31:06] You know? Like what makes you happy, what fills you up, even if it seems silly or unorthodox or whatever. You know, like for me, babies, man, I just love babies and I finally put myself out there. In the world of babies and nannying and you guys, I have so like, I, I can't even believe the op, the amount of opportunity that has come to me.
[00:31:31] Like I could be doing this full time. There's no doubt in my mind. And like I feel like my life has just shifted a little bit and like my life path just became a little bit more clearer in like the next couple years. And it's all because I listened to the inner voice in my mind, in my head and my heart and my gut.
[00:31:51] That's like, You need to be with babies in whatever capacity you can right now. You need to be with babies. And that's what I did. And I, and there's no [00:32:00] doubt in my mind that it was the right choice and that it was the next step in wherever I'm going next. And so I'm just gonna live this whole wholeheartedly put my all into this with these babies.
[00:32:13] And I have trust that like it's gonna take me to where I'm meant to be next. And same thing with you guys still showing up here and like, it still is amazing to me who comes to me. You know, I, I don't really reach out to people. I, I totally believe that my coaching emotional support, this healing with Katie Lane business, it's not a business money making.
[00:32:42] I don't want to grow it to make millions of dollars. This is a practice for me. Because I believe that just having it in existence and me speaking naturally and organically from the heart, it draws the right people to me. You know, like [00:33:00] Michelle, when you reached out to me, Kelsey, when you reached out to me, Brooke, when we got connected, when Jess and I got connected, Haley and I got connected, Kathleen and I got Kaneisha and I got connected.
[00:33:08] All these women, Eli and I got connected like. It was so natural and I just, to me, that's what feels right. And even in that world, I had to really challenge myself to stay true to me because the online business world and the online coaching world is so, it's such a, it has such a specific culture to it.
[00:33:34] Uh, It's the opposite of how I run my business. It's the opposite. I run my business the opposite of what most business coaches out in the online world today are talking about, and this was another way that I had to learn to trust myself and I had to lead myself in a way that I feel good about at the end of the day when I'm alone with me, myself, and I in silence, [00:34:00] what do I feel good about?
[00:34:03] And that is what you have to ask yourself when it comes to your physical body, your healing, your injury, your illness, your relationships, your job, your career, your business, your life. How can you lead yourself in a way? What does that look like? In every individual scenario you get in, how can I lead myself in a way that I'm gonna feel good about?
[00:34:24] That's, that's the question to ask, to be able to deflect outside forces and outside pressures, outside judgments, right? To not easily be swayed into doing things that really aren't what you want to do that in your best interest. Because if you're seeking a life of fulfillment, contentment, happiness, and peace, and wholesomeness, if you are letting other people's judgments, opinions, words, their influence, if you're letting their influence dictate your choices, I promise you, you'll [00:35:00] never.
[00:35:01] Ever in your life reach true fulfillment, true wholesomeness, you just won't. So the journey for you, the journey for me, the journey for many of us is how to listen to ourselves, how to build that trust in ourselves, and how to follow through in a way that we feel good about. Without letting everything else influence us constantly.
[00:35:27] And in doing that, you will get to a place in your life where you feel so much, you just feel right, like that's the best way to put it, is things just feel. Right, and you'll have these waves of overwhelming gratitude. I was driving baby Maya to the playground yesterday crying because I'm just like, I can't even believe this is my life.
[00:35:54] Like I have a six month old baby in the back. I, you know, I, I thought I [00:36:00] would never get to the point where I would feel confident caring for a baby on my own, and it's just, Just listened to myself and built this relationship and this is what I'm here to help you guys do. So, woo, shout out to all my ladies and men that I'm working with.
[00:36:18] You guys truly are my inspiration and your stories. I appreciate you guys so much being so open to me being able to share snippets of your stories because the real life stories and situations that I share, Or what speak the most to everyone else. That's how we learn. That's how we gain experience and wisdom and insight is through real life situations, right?
[00:36:43] So I have this called enough with the small talk, like enough with the surface level Bs. Let's dig into it because that's how we get ahead here. That's how we move forward and feel the way we want to feel. So I freaking love you guys. I've missed you, and I really hope you [00:37:00] enjoy this episode. And I will talk to you so soon.
[00:37:03] You guys know where to find me. There'll be links in the show notes to reach out. You can inquire about working with me. Um, my social media platforms are always available for Messenger. Okay? So as always, take care of yourself, me.
